Wednesday, 26 March 2008

Please Come && Mend The Broken Smile

How long will it be before I find someone?!
Is it so hard to meet my ideal person?
Actually...what is my ideal person?

The cuteness of Mika.
The depth of Amy Winehouse.
The adaptability of Johnny Depp.
The magic of Marilyn Monroe.
The humour of Russell Brand.
The heartache of Judy Garland.
The musicality of Mark Ronson.
The loyalty of The Bound Beggars.

That's kind of a weird combination, if I'm honest, but somehow - it's exactly what I'm looking for. I keep getting told that I should just wait for love to find me, but to be honest, I'm sick of waiting.
"Where are you already?! Hurry up and find me! I want my Happy Ending!"

In the words of the great Bohemians: "The Greatest Thing You'll Ever Learn, Is Just To Love, && Be Loved In Return..."

Saturday, 15 March 2008

This Is The Way You Left Me: I'm Not Pretending...

Living in Middlesbrough seems to have taken its toll on this weary mind. Everything about the place is grey...or grey. Even the people look as though they gave up on life in 1985. No-one seems to care anymore, about anything at all. The only thing that has brought a smile to my face in the past few weeks was seeing this, graffitied on the wall of PoundLand:

I chose to use the slogan in a poem I wrote about Middlesbrough for my Creative Writing journal. I can't remember the whole poem, but the line itself went something like this:
"Mallon's Youth, but he doesn't seem to care"
I'm sure I'll post the whole thing when I get it back...Might as well - I'll still be living here, won't I? As I explained in the poem though, it's not that I hate Middlesbrough - it's a lovely place, it's just the cloud of despair which hangs like a mist, following it's citizens.

I've tried to be happy here, I really have, but there are just too many things attacking every part of mind. I can sum it up in a conversation I had with Michael (who was talking to himself at the time):

Me: Why are you doing that?
Michael: Why not? Don't you do it? Listen to the little voices inside your
Me: No.
Michael: Why?
Me: Cos they always shout at me.

It's like there's an ongoing battle in my head between me and whoever else it is in there. It's just like P!nk once said: "It's bad when you annoy yourself; so irratating. Don't wanna be my friend no more: I wanna be somebody else!"

Perhaps these are just ramblings, but then again, I'm the girl with the broken smile, so perhaps I'm allowed to ramble.

"No hope, no love, no glory. No Happy Ending."