Saturday, 2 August 2008

Warning: Not To Be Read By Those Who Have A Life...

Ok, so I realised I hadn't been on here for ages, && I thought that I should get back to it.
So much has changed since I last 'blogged'...

For instance, I am a complete cliche: I'm a completely new person. I have absolutely no idea how, where, when or why this happened, but for the first time in a long time, I'm actually happy. Like almost 100%. I actually LIKE being me. Now, for those of you who don't know me (&& for those of you who do), I'm nothing particularly special; not particularly smart, or funny...but, I'm me, && right now that seems like a good thing for me to be.

I've been thinking a lot about the future && things that I want to achieve. Like, I used to be the person who, whenever some obscure family member asked what I wanted to do when I "grow up", I'd grin like a fool and say 'I have no idea...'. Then, they'd give up any remaining sliver of hope they had for me && move on to the more familiar area of questionning: 'So, do you have a boyfriend?'...Anyway, I digress...Ever since I started at Uni, I've been innanely toying with the idea of becoming a writer. The only thing is, that being surrounded by a group of people who are so self-obsessed with themselves && their ideas && skills, kind of puts you off. It buries you && makes you feel so inadequate that you give up on yourself, just as those obscure family members did not so long ago. So for a while, the ideas I had didn't seem good enough && the skills I had seemed comparable to those of a 5-year-old child. But, the thing is...I'm not a literary retard; I never have been. I'm just seriously lacking in the self-confidence area. Or I was...I don't feel like I am anymore. I don't even know if I'll follow the whole novelist route - how about a script writer? In Hollywood? Why not? Who or what is going to stop me? Exactly, nothing (I'm not in denial - I promise...)

Another thing...I just read the last post about my ideal guy. What a load of fucking nothingness. What the hell kind of thing was I smoking when I was that desperate? (At this point, I'd like to point out that I've never smoked anything, of any kind...which only goes to show that I was completely desperate && not high in any way, shape or form). I don't need anyone. I really don't. I'm happy being on my own - God knows, I've had enough practice at it, but well. Everything will be ok. I'll do the whole Married...With Children thing (preferably without Al Bundy), but change'll come when it does, right, Katey?! haha.

Omg - hope has been granted in the form of this guy called Lou Cass. He's in charge of running Katey Sagal's Myspace page && I wrote to him asking him to send her to Europe. (Well, obviously not like that. It was a polite request...) && he said that he'll send it to her today!!! Hopefully I'll get to see her perform live. Will it beat seeing Dolly? Hmmm, we'll have to wait && see. (On a completely unrelated topic, those 2 living legends share the same birthday - I know I'm a geek - so what? It keeps me happy...)

Well, I guess I've rambled on for long enough. I don't think anyone actually reads this thing, so I'll read it myself. Whatever keeps you entertained, right? I'll make sure the next post is more intellectually adequate && humorous...I'm talking to you, Jenna.

Please don't hate me. It's 2.42 on a Sunday morning && I've been listening to Katey Sagal for the past 2 hours && 42 minutes...It's either (good) madness or ecstasy, I haven't decided yet.


1 comment:

Michael said...

How is it even when creating an optimistic post, you manage to put yourself down?! Have more faith in yourself!!!!...course i guess if it was that easy the self confidence issue of the post wouldnt be there... still you are very harsh on yourself